now of treasured friendships-

after meeting you for lunch on Tuesday you told me to go read your blog to find out what someone did/said that made you angry(?). I read through and still haven't found that out. what I found out was how little concern I've been giving you in the past half a year.

been missing Tampere/SEP quite a lot these days, and to be honest you actually make up a lot of the memories of the second half of SEP. I do miss talking random stuff/skyping with you and perpetually laughing at you for all sorts of nonsense (while you perpetually nagged at me to start revising for exams earlier even though it was exchange). thanks for all the memories (:

something that has always stuck by me: 千金易得, 知己难求
(auntie bai you can learn some chinese :p)
I'm sorry for not keeping up with your life the past few months, perhaps in the midst of trying to keep myself busy so I don't have time to think about rubbish/feel sad I've also neglected this precious friendship of ours. I remember I once told you (when you said you're sad that things on SEP are but temporal) that our friendship wouldn't drift unless we allow it to. I'm sorry I've unwittingly allowed it to drift a little, I will 自我检讨 and do something about it. the purpose of this post was to let you know that you're still someone I treasure a lot, and that this friendship is very precious to me as well (:


P.S. auntie your 面子 really quite big leh you have a post dedicated to you at 4am in the morning :'D

of careers and futures-

this article over here sparked a lot of thoughts:
http://www.johnskylar.com/post/107416685924/a-career-in-science-will-cost-you-your-firstborn

it's something that I really really want to pursue for my career. but truth be told, there are definitely some genuine and legitimate fears regarding such a choice. I've had the same worries since I first considered such a future two years ago. back then you could attribute that to my nature to think a little too far ahead, but now at 25 the worries get more and more real each day.

gaining admission in itself is already a big challenge, what with the administrative red tape and all. the number of applicants vying for that limited number of spaces is challenging enough, not mentioning the fact that some, if not most, of these people are among the best/brightest from wherever they came from. having barely just met the minimum criteria for entry, I often feel that I don't stand that much of a chance at all.

then comes the practical concerns of making such a choice. money. pursuing a career in science would entail at least 4 years of graduate school full-time, and however long it takes for further training after graduation. while I can tell myself that I am not in this for the money (if any), practicality dictates that I consider not only about myself, but also my family when I make such a choice. on the bright side, we are lucky that in Singapore every admission offer would come with some sort of financial support, so it is definitely possible to be self-sufficient. but being the worrywart that I am, earning enough to save up for the future and (hopefully) contribute to my family is of importance to me.

there is also a certain degree of uncertainty in pursuing such a path. no one can ever assure you that "if you do your work well, you will graduate". research involves a whole lot of failures (I've had my fair share in my past few projects) and you can never be sure if you can actually achieve something publish-worthy or thesis-worthy. having failed countless times in my first two research projects somewhat teaches me the lesson of persistence. I am happy to keep going and trying until I achieve my goals, but I do have this fear of failing to achieve any significant within four years.

I have always dreamed of pursuing some part of my education overseas, but this time I am certain that I want to stay to do this in Singapore. four years (and even more beyond) is not a short period of time, and I do not want to stay away for too long. my parents/family are ageing as well, and there will come a time they will need me to be physically near them.

I am thankful nonetheless, that the past half year of working in my current lab has been an enjoyable one, especially with encouraging and supporting mentors. these people reinforce my belief that a healthy/constructive environment (research group) is essential for any effective work to be done.

as for the rest of my worries about whether I can gain admission and concerns about the future, I can do nothing but leave it in your hands, Lord. 我相信祢一定会为我开道路. I will trust in you and the plans you have for me with all my heart.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)