managing my own thoughts-

为什么我就是放不下...
just typing random stuff to talk to myself
心里这个莫名的空虚要如何填满?
to cope with the emptiness within...
I really want to talk to/chat with you to keep myself going but I don't think that's going to be possible. how else do I 走下去/push myself on... help.

thank you-

Received a postcard from a friend and a parcel by my parents yesterday. On a day/week that I really struggled with in terms of keeping my emotions and mood in check. Psychological support just at the time I probably needed them most. whose timing can be more perfect than Yours?

 

Postcard from a friend posted on the 6th of January but came arrived at the same time as my parents' parcel.

"You've got mail!"

 

Parcel from my parents... look further.

CNY goodies to ward off the CNY blues-

 

肉干!

 

 

 

... and more CNY goodies!

 

Went to Tokmanni after my oral examination to buy a container so I can slice my 肉干 into small pieces :)

a walk of faith with Him each night-

I was brought to a Youtube video for the soundtrack of a Hwach college song called "Never Forget" (<3), from where I noticed the original songwriter and his blog/site, his songs, as well as the little faith nuggets he shares from time to time, which sparked many thoughts within me.

 

"神所要的祭就是忧伤的；神啊，忧伤痛悔的心，你必不轻看。"
(诗 51:17)

Indeed, a broken and contrite heart, Lord, you do not despise. The past one month (especially the past two nights) has been hard for me still, even though I keep telling myself to make the best of the rare chance to be here in Finland for exchange. What I often overlook, however, is God's grace and mercy in my life thus far - family members who stand by me, church co-workers who share advice & experiences with me and even cry with me, best friends who are perpetually there for me at any time of the day.

As much as I can share my (limited) experiences and God's words with his little lambs at sunday school, I often forget/do not apply those lessons to my own life. even at the core level - the lesson of faith - is something that I am particularly weak in.

Perhaps it is because my life has really been pretty smooth sailing the past 23 years - anything I set my heart on, I try to work for it and I achieve it. Thus when I encounter a setback as large as I did my faith simply wavered and I allowed myself to succumb to my feelings of grief and disappointment and loss the past 3 months. During this period of time God used the people around me to constantly remind me of His words and lessons He wants me to learn but my stubbornness made me turn a deaf ear to it.

Even though I'm still oscillating between ups and downs, and on occasion am still going through extreme lows on some days (coupled with a certain degree of homesickness), I'm thankful nonetheless that on nights like these I get led back to timely reminders of His love and grace for me.

P.S. (you're 8 years my hwach senior and we don't know each other but) thanks Galvin Sng for your posts and sharing of God's word. (http://www.galvs.net/2013/03/faith-nugget-69/)


be patient ben-

while having a period of personal worship and quiet time late at night (since I can't find any English nor Chinese services here)...

"我的恩典够你用的，因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。"
(歌后12:9)

如果，如果 -

如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远

如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤 所有流过的泪
我的爱 请全部带走

 

 

歌词 - 无言中表达情感，无形中找到共鸣 的唯一方式...

ice cream-

eating ice cream downstairs in -15°C weather after dinner in sleeping pants and slippers. next time without the down jacket.

ice cream does work as comfort food to cheer oneself up.

 



tired-

i'm still struggling to keep up with everyday. it's getting pretty tiring.

and this is actually the 100th post since I moved over to this blog. so many things have happened since I moved my blog over here, so many memories. I miss them all...

心情写照-

So many things going through my head recently. Guess yuanx is right, it's good to write them down somewhere to express/发泄 what I'm feeling, so I started this 心情写照 folder so I can write down all these mixed feelings of mine. One day, maybe one day someone, somewhere will understand what I'm writing and going through...

寂寞寂寞就好-

exactly what I'm doing right now. really didn't feel like going for the pub crawl so I'm at home blasting nice music that fits my mood now.

今天。三个月前。

a thousand years-

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

 

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

kaipaan sinua-

after a hectic week of settling down I finally have time to slow down and take a breather. things have been fun, people have been nice and all but at the end of each day I still find myself feeling really hollow. desperately finding things to do each day just to keep myself positive but as the post-arrival honeymoon period passes it seems I'm back to square one again.

I treasure and love where I am right now, but there are really some places I would give anything to be at this very moment.


记得照顾好自己, 希望你一切安好;
真的, 真的很想念你.

雪花飘-

walking in the snow by the lake at night was beautiful. so quiet, so serene, would've been so romantic.

wenn du nur hier waren...