error recovery-

但是我只想和唯一的人
不管排多少次队
不管看到的是白天、黄昏
甚至是无灯的夜晚...
我都只想和她在一起。

... some lines from Sam that I empathise greatly with. if you knew the context/origin of these lines you would know the last line too. human factors in aviation safety and error recovery are actually more applicable to our everyday lives than we know it.

下决心再要逆风飞-

光阴不会往后退   应抛开伤心抑怨
愿我会拭干眼中泪
天空海阔我共你   再领略人生的美
云外看   新生趣

光阴不会往后退   应抛开伤心忆记
愿再试高飞的滋味
天空海阔我共你   再领略人生的美
云外看   新生趣

我心深处谁人晓-

心里最深处的欲望往往在不自觉中透露

偶尔倒希望自己有相同的机会
但或许对他人来说, 这些心里话反倒是白目不堪
尽是无心也罢
往后还是收敛点好
心里话与那最深处的希望, 无需他人知, 往肚里吞就可



对不起.

mental ramblings-

some phrase from TC got me thinking:
“Do you love me because you need me, or do you need me because you love me?”

if whoever posted that phrase thought it was unforgettable, what about:
“You're not in love with me. You're in love with your mental image/idea of me.”

you would never read this but I was never in love with a mental image of anybody. I loved for who the person was, and that was precisely why you never got any specific answer whenever you asked “why do you love me” (something that you were disappointed about). If I were in love with a mental image of you I would've held on much longer wouldn't I?

two days in a row-

yes, 我很怕, 我真的很怕. please do not play that song while we are walking anymore.

只好让回忆短暂的炫耀-

我关上了门   最后一次听你说我们
熟悉变陌生   把我往记忆里扔
我应该习惯   你离去的眼神
才能让失去你   变得更完整

窗外的街灯   还在努力掩饰著早晨
我的叹息成全了   整夜的苦闷
我该努力   习惯这样的气氛
才发现失去了   爱不用再等

我知道   我的一切你已不想要   继续在乎只会让你想逃
我不相信这全是种煎熬   原来离去是那么难预料
找依靠却没有我想要的好   我的等待换不到你拥抱
只好让回忆   短暂的炫耀
原来任性对彼此都   不好

清晨的街灯   翻开了城市中的心闷
我的等待成全了   整夜的苦闷
我努力在   你的回忆里狂奔
才了解失去了   爱不用再等

我知道   我的一切你已不想要   继续在乎只会让你想逃
我不相信这全是种煎熬   原来爱你是那么难预料
找依靠却没有我想要的好   我的等待换不到你拥抱
只好让回忆   短暂的炫耀
原来任性对彼此都   不好

多想再一次   紧紧的拥抱   就算给我   一秒也好
一秒可以给多少   我都想要

让回忆继续   反复炫耀   原来失去对彼此都   不好

http://chanqiyu.blogspot.com/2013/12/blog-post_29.html

为何一切到了终究还是空-

 

昨夜的雨   惊醒我沉睡中的梦
迷惑的心   缠满着昨日的伤痛
冷冷的风   不再有往日的温柔
逝去的爱   是否还能够再拥有

漫漫长路   谁能告诉我
究竟会有多少错
何处是我最终的居留

曾经在雨中对我说   今生今世相守
曾经在风中对我说   永远不离开我
多少缠绵编织成的梦
多少爱恨刻画的镜头
为何一切到了终究   还是空

 

 

 

yk and yl were right, we all need some form of closure to get on with our lives. but how on earth...

最后的最后-

short and lacking in content, but probably the last piece of my heart that you're going to see. and a bit early too because I don't want to end up brooding on this all day.

alles Gute zum Geburtstag. 祝你幸福, 快乐.
für immer Dein,
mich.

what is important to me-

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"...
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
 
The father was furious.
 
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"
SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.

SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"
SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do. Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去-

 

最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

 

想念如果会有声音

不愿那是悲伤的哭泣

事到如今

终於让自已属於我自已

只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

 

突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛

 

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲

变成两部悲伤的电影

为什麽你

带我走过最难忘的旅行

然後留下最痛的纪念品

 

我们那麽甜   那麽美   那麽相信

那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经

为何我们

还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

 

突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

 

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛

 

最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

 

最怕此生已经决定自己过没有你

却又突然听到你的消息

---

不断的告诉自己
希望还是能够知道你的近况
倘若真让我知道
又是否会快乐呢?

带着如此的怕过着每一天
能算是真正的开心吗? 
或只不过在对自己, 对身边的人强颜欢笑呢?


只不过, 只不过
偶尔...
突然好想你.

you made me a trekkie-

was watching the 2009 Star Trek movie and found that I was unable to watch beyond the death scene of George Kirk. really disturbed right now as I really like Star Trek a lot and I don't want start to avoid it like some other movie/novel.

seriously man.

lies, deception and escapism-

am I really progressing or am I just deceiving myself.
what did I do to myself/my life in the past one year??
If I had seen this coming why am I struggling so badly??


世界若是那么大   为何我要忘你   无处逃?
世界若是那么小   为何我的真心   你听不到?


bullshit, ben, you're just full of bullshit.

to my lost best friend-

As much as I've been working hard in the past month to keep myself busy and positive, there are just times when I simply cannot keep up with myself.

Just read this piece that made me think a lot and (to be honest) feel quite awful right now:

Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends.

You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got together for coffee from time to time? Or if we gave each other a ring to see how the other was doing?

Using the phone to make calls has become archaic, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that.

You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. We know we aren’t right for each other. We know it would never work, and we know the friendship we have — we had — created a bond that would make slipping back into romance too easy. It would make repeating the same mistakes too likely, repeating the same heartbreak certain. That’s what it really comes down to: It’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. I wish you all the best and although you will never read this, although we will never speak to each other again, and although you are out of my life forever, I wish you nothing short of happiness.

Never again to be yours, 

Your Lost Best Friend

[Hudson, P. (2014). An Open Letter To My Ex: How A Best Friend Becomes A Stranger. http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/an-open-letter-to-my-ex-how-a-best-friend-becomes-a-stranger/]

... I wish I knew how you are right now. ):

for He is risen today-

Easter greetings from Venice!
Arrived at 5.30am in the morning and have nowhere to go because I cannot check-in to my accomodation yet, so sitting in Macdonald's now.

Had this hymn ringing in my head all morning and was humming it to myself (I probably looked like a madman) while walking/roaming around Venice in the early morning:

基督耶稣今复活  哈利路亚
天使世人齐述说  哈利路亚
快乐凯歌声高扬  哈利路亚
诸天大地同唱和  哈利路亚

荣耀君王墓中起  哈利路亚
死啊 毒钩在哪里 哈利路亚
主献身救众灵魂  哈利路亚
死亡权势今何存  哈利路亚

爱之救赎已完成  哈利路亚
战争完毕获全胜  哈利路亚
死亡岂能封主坟  哈利路亚
基督开了乐园门  哈利路亚


feeling slightly joyous and very 感恩 today.
still feeling very apologetic (to you) for what happened yesterday though, 对不起 :/

insufficient apologies-

I'm sorry I was so harsh with my words. Suddenly thought what if it happened to me/how I would react and that thought suddenly felt too much for me to handle.

I still hope you are fine. I'm very sorry, please take care.

it makes my day to make yours-

spent my saturday morning two weeks ago hard at work, doing some things to hopefully brighten up the days of the people close/important to me.

these efforts are never in vain. neither is anything expected in return. all I hope is that when each of you receive it, it brings up a smile on your face, or gives you some warmth in your heart; even if it's for a really brief moment. (,:

this probably is the only way to let you all know that I love each and every one of you, and to thank all of you for being in my life <3



auntie: you were right. knowing that you have brightened up someone's day really makes us happy (: stay happy alright? ^^

that one again-

so glad that 关怀方式 made it to #110 of the U选一千 list. a little sad that not a lot of people actually credit 蔡礼莲 as the original singer for that song since most people think 朱茵 sang it :/

#109 made me jump and mute my computer immediately. again for reasons unknown I still feel the fear for listening to/hearing that song. I'm functioning okay as things are right now I really don't want/need it to screw up my day. maybe one day it will be just another song to me, but not today, sorry.

maybe it's a sign to stop procrastinating and leave my house right now to print my air tickets D:

that is where your gifts lie-

"there are so many opportunities to serve.
choose the opportunities which bring the most joy to your heart. that is where your gifts lie."

... where is it exactly? is it really where I think it is, or am I just leading myself to think that way?

weakness-

i'm really sorry. couldn't control my moment of mental weakness. sorry.

awake-

worst dream/nightmare since I got here. F*** myself.