我心深处谁人晓-

心里最深处的欲望往往在不自觉中透露

偶尔倒希望自己有相同的机会
但或许对他人来说, 这些心里话反倒是白目不堪
尽是无心也罢
往后还是收敛点好
心里话与那最深处的希望, 无需他人知, 往肚里吞就可



对不起.

mental ramblings-

some phrase from TC got me thinking:
“Do you love me because you need me, or do you need me because you love me?”

if whoever posted that phrase thought it was unforgettable, what about:
“You're not in love with me. You're in love with your mental image/idea of me.”

you would never read this but I was never in love with a mental image of anybody. I loved for who the person was, and that was precisely why you never got any specific answer whenever you asked “why do you love me” (something that you were disappointed about). If I were in love with a mental image of you I would've held on much longer wouldn't I?

two days in a row-

yes, 我很怕, 我真的很怕. please do not play that song while we are walking anymore.

只好让回忆短暂的炫耀-

我关上了门   最后一次听你说我们
熟悉变陌生   把我往记忆里扔
我应该习惯   你离去的眼神
才能让失去你   变得更完整

窗外的街灯   还在努力掩饰著早晨
我的叹息成全了   整夜的苦闷
我该努力   习惯这样的气氛
才发现失去了   爱不用再等

我知道   我的一切你已不想要   继续在乎只会让你想逃
我不相信这全是种煎熬   原来离去是那么难预料
找依靠却没有我想要的好   我的等待换不到你拥抱
只好让回忆   短暂的炫耀
原来任性对彼此都   不好

清晨的街灯   翻开了城市中的心闷
我的等待成全了   整夜的苦闷
我努力在   你的回忆里狂奔
才了解失去了   爱不用再等

我知道   我的一切你已不想要   继续在乎只会让你想逃
我不相信这全是种煎熬   原来爱你是那么难预料
找依靠却没有我想要的好   我的等待换不到你拥抱
只好让回忆   短暂的炫耀
原来任性对彼此都   不好

多想再一次   紧紧的拥抱   就算给我   一秒也好
一秒可以给多少   我都想要

让回忆继续   反复炫耀   原来失去对彼此都   不好

http://chanqiyu.blogspot.com/2013/12/blog-post_29.html

为何一切到了终究还是空-

 

昨夜的雨   惊醒我沉睡中的梦
迷惑的心   缠满着昨日的伤痛
冷冷的风   不再有往日的温柔
逝去的爱   是否还能够再拥有

漫漫长路   谁能告诉我
究竟会有多少错
何处是我最终的居留

曾经在雨中对我说   今生今世相守
曾经在风中对我说   永远不离开我
多少缠绵编织成的梦
多少爱恨刻画的镜头
为何一切到了终究   还是空

 

 

 

yk and yl were right, we all need some form of closure to get on with our lives. but how on earth...

最后的最后-

short and lacking in content, but probably the last piece of my heart that you're going to see. and a bit early too because I don't want to end up brooding on this all day.

alles Gute zum Geburtstag. 祝你幸福, 快乐.
für immer Dein,
mich.

what is important to me-

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"...
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
 
The father was furious.
 
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"
SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.

SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"
SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do. Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去-

 

最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

 

想念如果会有声音

不愿那是悲伤的哭泣

事到如今

终於让自已属於我自已

只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

 

突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛

 

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲

变成两部悲伤的电影

为什麽你

带我走过最难忘的旅行

然後留下最痛的纪念品

 

我们那麽甜   那麽美   那麽相信

那麽疯 那麽热烈的曾经

为何我们

还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

 

突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

 

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛

 

最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

 

最怕此生已经决定自己过没有你

却又突然听到你的消息

---

不断的告诉自己
希望还是能够知道你的近况
倘若真让我知道
又是否会快乐呢?

带着如此的怕过着每一天
能算是真正的开心吗? 
或只不过在对自己, 对身边的人强颜欢笑呢?


只不过, 只不过
偶尔...
突然好想你.

you made me a trekkie-

was watching the 2009 Star Trek movie and found that I was unable to watch beyond the death scene of George Kirk. really disturbed right now as I really like Star Trek a lot and I don't want start to avoid it like some other movie/novel.

seriously man.

lies, deception and escapism-

am I really progressing or am I just deceiving myself.
what did I do to myself/my life in the past one year??
If I had seen this coming why am I struggling so badly??


世界若是那么大   为何我要忘你   无处逃?
世界若是那么小   为何我的真心   你听不到?


bullshit, ben, you're just full of bullshit.

to my lost best friend-

As much as I've been working hard in the past month to keep myself busy and positive, there are just times when I simply cannot keep up with myself.

Just read this piece that made me think a lot and (to be honest) feel quite awful right now:

Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends.

You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got together for coffee from time to time? Or if we gave each other a ring to see how the other was doing?

Using the phone to make calls has become archaic, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that.

You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. We know we aren’t right for each other. We know it would never work, and we know the friendship we have — we had — created a bond that would make slipping back into romance too easy. It would make repeating the same mistakes too likely, repeating the same heartbreak certain. That’s what it really comes down to: It’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. I wish you all the best and although you will never read this, although we will never speak to each other again, and although you are out of my life forever, I wish you nothing short of happiness.

Never again to be yours, 

Your Lost Best Friend

[Hudson, P. (2014). An Open Letter To My Ex: How A Best Friend Becomes A Stranger. http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/an-open-letter-to-my-ex-how-a-best-friend-becomes-a-stranger/]

... I wish I knew how you are right now. ):

for He is risen today-

Easter greetings from Venice!
Arrived at 5.30am in the morning and have nowhere to go because I cannot check-in to my accomodation yet, so sitting in Macdonald's now.

Had this hymn ringing in my head all morning and was humming it to myself (I probably looked like a madman) while walking/roaming around Venice in the early morning:

基督耶稣今复活  哈利路亚
天使世人齐述说  哈利路亚
快乐凯歌声高扬  哈利路亚
诸天大地同唱和  哈利路亚

荣耀君王墓中起  哈利路亚
死啊 毒钩在哪里 哈利路亚
主献身救众灵魂  哈利路亚
死亡权势今何存  哈利路亚

爱之救赎已完成  哈利路亚
战争完毕获全胜  哈利路亚
死亡岂能封主坟  哈利路亚
基督开了乐园门  哈利路亚


feeling slightly joyous and very 感恩 today.
still feeling very apologetic (to you) for what happened yesterday though, 对不起 :/

insufficient apologies-

I'm sorry I was so harsh with my words. Suddenly thought what if it happened to me/how I would react and that thought suddenly felt too much for me to handle.

I still hope you are fine. I'm very sorry, please take care.

it makes my day to make yours-

spent my saturday morning two weeks ago hard at work, doing some things to hopefully brighten up the days of the people close/important to me.

these efforts are never in vain. neither is anything expected in return. all I hope is that when each of you receive it, it brings up a smile on your face, or gives you some warmth in your heart; even if it's for a really brief moment. (,:

this probably is the only way to let you all know that I love each and every one of you, and to thank all of you for being in my life <3



auntie: you were right. knowing that you have brightened up someone's day really makes us happy (: stay happy alright? ^^

that one again-

so glad that 关怀方式 made it to #110 of the U选一千 list. a little sad that not a lot of people actually credit 蔡礼莲 as the original singer for that song since most people think 朱茵 sang it :/

#109 made me jump and mute my computer immediately. again for reasons unknown I still feel the fear for listening to/hearing that song. I'm functioning okay as things are right now I really don't want/need it to screw up my day. maybe one day it will be just another song to me, but not today, sorry.

maybe it's a sign to stop procrastinating and leave my house right now to print my air tickets D:

that is where your gifts lie-

"there are so many opportunities to serve.
choose the opportunities which bring the most joy to your heart. that is where your gifts lie."

... where is it exactly? is it really where I think it is, or am I just leading myself to think that way?

weakness-

i'm really sorry. couldn't control my moment of mental weakness. sorry.

awake-

worst dream/nightmare since I got here. F*** myself.

overheard on air-

some food for thought-

当一个人是你所爱的, 他的眼泪会让你心碎, 无助；
当他不再是你所爱的时候, 同样的眼泪将让你无动于衷。

爱一个人, 是不是难免 会陪上眼泪的呢?

...

你是否，曾有过一个会为了你而掉泪的人呢?

你值得真正的快乐-

 

 

人群中哭着   你只想变成透明的颜色

你再也不会梦或痛或心动了

你已经决定了   你已经决定了

你静静忍着   紧紧把昨天在拳心握着

而回忆越是甜   就是越伤人了

越是在手心留下   密密麻麻   深深浅浅的刀割

 

你不是真正的快乐

你的笑只是你穿的保护色

你决定不恨了   也决定不爱了

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

 

这世界笑了   于是你合群地一起笑了

当生存是规则   不是你的选择

于是你含着眼泪   飘飘荡荡   跌跌撞撞地走着

 

你不是真正的快乐

你的笑只是你穿的保护色

你决定不恨了   也决定不爱了

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

 

你不是真正的快乐

你的伤从不肯完全的愈合

我站在你左侧   却像隔着银河

难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

然后才后悔着

 

你值得真正的快乐

你应该脱下你穿的保护色

为什么失去了   还要被惩罚呢

能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻

重新开始活着

 

to the one who took the pains to share your story - I dedicate the very last stanza to you;

let this be a reminder to both of us, jiayou :)

convenience-

finally decided to try the mobile blogger app instead of using irritating mobile chrome every single time I blog using my phone. the GUI is a bit too simple but at least it gets things done.

went to play badminton in school on a sunday morning but the multi-purpose hall was booked. So we set up a make-shift court in the dance studio using rubber tapes/bands as the court lines, and poles with tied bands stuck on dumbbell weights as our net :,D
dance studio ceiling was really short so we had half of our shuttlecocks stuck above, and spent a lot of time after throwing boxing gloves attached to rubber bands to try to get the shuttlecocks.
healthy/active lifestyle does work better in keeping me occupied and think less --> feel better (:

 

to you: I hope you aren't offended/angry/awkward after what I said, this was why I tried so hard to phrase my "answers" to you properly so much so that it forever seems like a roundabout mess of rubbish.
my answer in short (which I hope you will not see): I think I take long to move on to others, but that's only because you're still special to me? I don't think there's anything to 'fight/compete' with/about, after so many years I thought you would know that best. in the case that you still happen to see this, I hope you finally know what I'm talking about.

buck up-

my source of comfort when I feel moody/down:

listening to this always gives me a 说不出来的安慰, especially when I'm feeling moody/down or weary. sometimes we need to have the faith of little children; the innocent, undoubting faith.

very thankful for the people I've met/friends I've made the past few days, be it during SG Day (yes you, really very thankful for friends like you), on the megabus trip to Brussels, on the day trip to Ghent and Brugge, or in Brussels itself. the past trip has led to me thinking and learning a lot about what I'm subjecting myself to, and what I actually want for myself/in my life.

time to buck up, ben-


p.s. that was my nephew singing <3

trudging through everyday-

5.5 months and counting.

waking up to battle my mood and emotions everyday is an uphill task. sometimes it seems trying to keep myself busy is starting to lose its effect.


ich vermisse dich...

想对你说的话-

歌词完全描述了我的心声

真希望你能听到...

maybe this was something i really had to learn-

"...contentment comes from unconditional love.

When you love conditionally, you have to keep deciding if the other is worthy of your love. You can never let go of your guard enough to be content. Why not decide once and for all, and love once and for all. And be content."


if only...

我从来都不想自由-

拥抱爱 想被你疼爱
这专属的浪漫
没想过要离开   习惯有你的陪伴

怎么到最后   两个人不合拍
话题只剩无奈
关系变不自然
越来越礼貌对待

当我们不再为爱歌颂   挥霍说好的梦
曾依赖的手   已不再温柔   我还能要什么

我从来都不想自由
一个人过的简单
也许轻松   却还是寂寞
多希望再被爱感动
幸福都只剩空白
未来画面多精彩   不值得期待

还是好朋友   都只是藉口
安慰的话别说
不如保持沉默   离开了都别回头

当我们不再为爱歌颂   挥霍说好的梦
曾依赖的手   已不再温柔   我还能要什么

我从来都不想自由
一个人过的简单
也许轻松   却还是寂寞
多希望再被爱感动
幸福都只剩空白
未来画面多精彩   不值得期待

是谁爱的太用力   忘了当初多珍惜
失去后才懂得   勇敢的资格   多让人不舍

我从来都不想自由
一个人过的简单
也许轻松   却还是寂寞
多希望再被爱感动
幸福都只剩空白
未来画面多精彩   不值得期待

要你知道在我的心里面-

习惯在每一天　比你醒来早一点　轻轻吻着你熟睡的脸
让你张开双眼就能看见　我温柔的笑靥

喜欢在你耳边　说话声音小一点　慢慢贴近你温热的脸
让你可以靠在我的胸前　就好像拥抱整个世界

对你的爱永远多一点　就算用尽一生的时间
你会感觉到我就在你身边　不论有多远

对你的爱永远多一点　就算用完仅有的缘份
也要你知道在我的心里面　我好想再爱你一遍

bits and pieces-

it starts today.
little by little, bit by bit.
sometime, somehow.

on another note, I've been having this radical idea floating in my head. not the best idea, but worth considering I guess.

想你的夜-

你知道吗？
没有你的日子我有多想你

分手那天
我看着你走远
所有承诺化成了句点
独自守在空荡的房间
爱与痛在我心里纠缠
我们的爱走到了今天
是不是我太自私了一点
如果爱可以重来
我会为你放弃一切

想你的夜
多希望你能在我身边
不知道你心里还能否为我改变
想你的夜
求你让我再爱你一遍
让爱再回到原点

回来吧   我等你

couldn't be happier-

If only I could say the same about myself as well, but it's not true for me. It's just so difficult to get on with my day-to-day matters without struggling a bit each day.

Resisting the urge to talk to you a bit every short while is a difficult task I set for myself. Call it neediness or idiocy if you must, I just can't bring myself to be nonchalant about everything.


Neun. Zwölf. Vier. Immer.

beautiful praises-

there's truly nothing more beautiful than little children spontaneously praising the Lord.

sis sent me a video of my nephew singing 这一生最美的祝福 with some really cute facial expressions. recently this song somehow never fails to make me tear up; it still does, but with this video on top of any other emotions I have, it's a heart full of thanks for this amazing boy who has a heart for God at such tender age.

argh-

it couldn't get any more superficial that this. why can't it have even a slightest bit more of effort and meaning? I really want to know / am concerned but this, it's just useless.

back to reality-

On the bus trip back from Lapland right now. Few days away from reality to marvel at the work of God's hands at the Levi fell, Skibotn etc.
如果你如同本子一样和我一起看见、经历这一切, 那该有多好...

The past one week has been fun and fulfilling, and to some extent a bit useful in reducing the occurrences of my brain wedgies. Still find it challenging to get to sleep every night though, haven't had a good dream-less sleep in quite long and I'm getting pretty exhausted. Doesn't help that I have an exam literally right after I reach home in Hervanta. 4 hours of rest and off I go for exam.

Read this thought-provoking article on the bus a short while ago;
They are truly blessed to have each other to 共渡此生.
[Read: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2564088/Together-end-Husband-holds-hands-beloved-wife-60-years-died-hours-apart.html]


on another note:
I truly thank God for the presence of the few of you in my life. You know who you are, I am truly grateful <3

这个世界, 我们一起逛-

许多的人事物虽已不再,
念的还是那曾经拥有的缘分。
别人眼里普通,破烂的一个记事本,
却是收藏这些对我来说非常重要的点点滴滴的宝。

回首时微笑也好,
掉泪也好,
这个本子将陪着我走遍天涯海角。
今天到北级圈去也不例外;
背包里带着本子,
把本子当成你的缩影,
一起去看这个世界。


... 你现在还好吗?

eurgh-

omg stupid song stop ringing in my head...

那些年-

used to be a song I really liked a lot.
but now when my roommate plays it everyday,
and I find myself having this fear of the song,
and actively trying to escape from listening to it.
be it walking away from it,
or just blasting something else louder.

maybe I'm just afraid of 触景伤情,
but maybe I'm really just running away/escaping.

a little message each day-

a little message I receive each day
as I set aside a short period of time for God and myself;
a little message that tells of His love and faithfulness;
have faith and get better, I tell myself,
even though these are things I still struggle with;
but day by day I will reflect, learn and grow,
and hopefully I will walk through this someday.

a testimony by Darren Lim and Evelyn Tan that a friend shared on facebook, and it really spoke to me tonight. sit through all 25 minutes of it if you can and hopefully it speaks to you too.

time count-

four months on... I still miss you.

short film-

 

a very well made short film by Wacoal (yes, the undergarment brand).
her unconditional love for the child was really touching even though the child isn't hers (spoiler alert).
爱孩子的女人真的最美丽。
(alright, I'm equally touched/impressed by guys who love kids too)

 

like I was recently reminded of when I posted my photos with little Leo taken when I attended church here in Tampere, children are indeed gifts from the Lord;
儿女是耶和华所赐的产业，所怀的胎是他所给的赏赐。(诗127:3)

seeing the love my Greek church friend and his wife had for their own and others' children was a very encouraging and heartwarming sight, something less seen in people of the younger generation, like them and ourselves nowadays.

 

we really have much to learn.

food for thought-

God's messages come in so many different ways everyday... I am thankful for these people in my life who have been used to send these messages to me, directly or indirectly.

Heard this while listening to a song my sister linked me, which was good food for thought for myself. maybe being alone in the apartment these few days isn't that bad after all, at least it gives me the chance to 静思-

每当环境的冲击像海啸一样临到的时候,
你要将眼目单单注视你的神,
因为这正是神新的工作季节的开始。
你要等候， 因为神会将得胜的意念放在你的心中；
你要展翅， 因为神会把机会摆在你的面前；
唯有祂， 能够带领你飞越风暴，重新翱翔。

lunchtime thoughts-

solitude is pretty much double-edged.
it gives you the much needed me-time for thoughts, reflections and recovery from the ever-exhausting social interactions;
but it also highlights the emptiness in yourself...

I'm still far from being able to live independently.

无怨无悔有几人-

如果一切靠缘份　何必痴心爱着一个人
最怕藕断丝连难舍难分　多少黎明又黄昏
就算是不再流伤心泪　还有魂萦梦牵的深夜
那些欲走还留一往情深　都已无从悔恨

早知道爱会这样伤人　情会如此难枕　当初何必太认真
早明白梦里不能长久　相思不如回头　如今何必怨离分
除非是当作游戏一场　红尘任他淒凉　谁能断了这情份
除非把真心放在一旁　今生随缘聚散　无怨无悔有几人

---

老歌
往往把心声描述得最贴切...

truth-

saw this random note of reminder/advice today, pondered about it and realised how true it was, hah.

"when you ask for advice, ask from those who had achieved mastery themselves.
Ask advice on relationships only from friends who have deeply fulfilling relationships. Ask money advice only from those who are wealthy themselves. Ask advice on kids from your parents only if you are happy with the way you've been raised."

managing my own thoughts-

为什么我就是放不下...
just typing random stuff to talk to myself
心里这个莫名的空虚要如何填满?
to cope with the emptiness within...
I really want to talk to/chat with you to keep myself going but I don't think that's going to be possible. how else do I 走下去/push myself on... help.

thank you-

Received a postcard from a friend and a parcel by my parents yesterday. On a day/week that I really struggled with in terms of keeping my emotions and mood in check. Psychological support just at the time I probably needed them most. whose timing can be more perfect than Yours?

 

Postcard from a friend posted on the 6th of January but came arrived at the same time as my parents' parcel.

"You've got mail!"

 

Parcel from my parents... look further.

CNY goodies to ward off the CNY blues-

 

肉干!

 

 

 

... and more CNY goodies!

 

Went to Tokmanni after my oral examination to buy a container so I can slice my 肉干 into small pieces :)

a walk of faith with Him each night-

I was brought to a Youtube video for the soundtrack of a Hwach college song called "Never Forget" (<3), from where I noticed the original songwriter and his blog/site, his songs, as well as the little faith nuggets he shares from time to time, which sparked many thoughts within me.

 

"神所要的祭就是忧伤的；神啊，忧伤痛悔的心，你必不轻看。"
(诗 51:17)

Indeed, a broken and contrite heart, Lord, you do not despise. The past one month (especially the past two nights) has been hard for me still, even though I keep telling myself to make the best of the rare chance to be here in Finland for exchange. What I often overlook, however, is God's grace and mercy in my life thus far - family members who stand by me, church co-workers who share advice & experiences with me and even cry with me, best friends who are perpetually there for me at any time of the day.

As much as I can share my (limited) experiences and God's words with his little lambs at sunday school, I often forget/do not apply those lessons to my own life. even at the core level - the lesson of faith - is something that I am particularly weak in.

Perhaps it is because my life has really been pretty smooth sailing the past 23 years - anything I set my heart on, I try to work for it and I achieve it. Thus when I encounter a setback as large as I did my faith simply wavered and I allowed myself to succumb to my feelings of grief and disappointment and loss the past 3 months. During this period of time God used the people around me to constantly remind me of His words and lessons He wants me to learn but my stubbornness made me turn a deaf ear to it.

Even though I'm still oscillating between ups and downs, and on occasion am still going through extreme lows on some days (coupled with a certain degree of homesickness), I'm thankful nonetheless that on nights like these I get led back to timely reminders of His love and grace for me.

P.S. (you're 8 years my hwach senior and we don't know each other but) thanks Galvin Sng for your posts and sharing of God's word. (http://www.galvs.net/2013/03/faith-nugget-69/)


be patient ben-

while having a period of personal worship and quiet time late at night (since I can't find any English nor Chinese services here)...

"我的恩典够你用的，因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。"
(歌后12:9)

如果，如果 -

如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远

如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤 所有流过的泪
我的爱 请全部带走

 

 

歌词 - 无言中表达情感，无形中找到共鸣 的唯一方式...

ice cream-

eating ice cream downstairs in -15°C weather after dinner in sleeping pants and slippers. next time without the down jacket.

ice cream does work as comfort food to cheer oneself up.

 



tired-

i'm still struggling to keep up with everyday. it's getting pretty tiring.

and this is actually the 100th post since I moved over to this blog. so many things have happened since I moved my blog over here, so many memories. I miss them all...

心情写照-

So many things going through my head recently. Guess yuanx is right, it's good to write them down somewhere to express/发泄 what I'm feeling, so I started this 心情写照 folder so I can write down all these mixed feelings of mine. One day, maybe one day someone, somewhere will understand what I'm writing and going through...

寂寞寂寞就好-

exactly what I'm doing right now. really didn't feel like going for the pub crawl so I'm at home blasting nice music that fits my mood now.

今天。三个月前。

a thousand years-

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died every day
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

 

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

kaipaan sinua-

after a hectic week of settling down I finally have time to slow down and take a breather. things have been fun, people have been nice and all but at the end of each day I still find myself feeling really hollow. desperately finding things to do each day just to keep myself positive but as the post-arrival honeymoon period passes it seems I'm back to square one again.

I treasure and love where I am right now, but there are really some places I would give anything to be at this very moment.


记得照顾好自己, 希望你一切安好;
真的, 真的很想念你.

雪花飘-

walking in the snow by the lake at night was beautiful. so quiet, so serene, would've been so romantic.

wenn du nur hier waren...

moi-

first post from Tampere! Reached yesterday and spent the whole day doing administrative stuff like checking in, going to ikea and supermarket to get necessities, and setting up my room in general.

really tired but at least my room is nice and comfy now (: will be going to the bank later and city centre at night, apparently there's going to be fireworks at 10pm (not 12am I highly doubt anyone here is awake at 12am...)

cheers from Tampere-

cya-

nice last session of the year with the kids today. really hope the kids will stay together and continue to come every week. it hasn't always been easy with this class but I'm sure I'll miss them.

will probably miss working together with this bunch of ss colleagues too. pray that I will be able to 收拾我的心情 and come back half or one year later in better shape.

and yes, to you who are reading this, I'll really miss you, take care and see you soon!

nice timing-

just heard 那些年 on the radio again.

那午夜电影, 还记得吗?

一秒也好-

感觉犹如回到了四年前。对词曲的欣赏依旧，但此时的我对歌词有了更深一层的诠释与感受...

i missed this voice-

after so many years I still love her voice. don't really like the way the mv story ended but at least she's singing again. her songs have accompanied me during so many of my sleepless nights in the past, and I guess it will continue to do so. well, at least for tonight it will.

wave-

and back I am at the minimum point of the sinusoid.
it's not something I can help, and neither is it something that I want to keep experiencing every few days.

the past few days have been nice, catching up and gathering with family before I leave, hugging and playing with my two beloved nephews and all; I thank God for these people in my life.

but it gets more and more tiring as I try to function normally while oscillating like that on a daily basis. leaving in 3 days but as the days go by the apprehension and helplessness gets a little more overwhelming. I really need to try to clear my head.

ouch-

as painful as it gets the goodbye will always have to come.
goodbye, take care and all the best for whatever you might be doing in the next few months/near future.

ivan was right, when such things happen we feel like half of us just died/went hollow. and it takes a long time for the void to recover. I really don't know when and how this void would recover, but I'd much rather fill it with memories than with hatred.

I miss you and all the memories. but we belong to separate worlds after all, and you seem to be coping well and living happily. that's all that matters I guess.

again, take care and all the best to you.
jiayou to myself too; just keep walking on ben, no matter how hard it gets.

又来了-

我的心仍隐隐作痛，
回想起过去，一时泛了眼红。
人生只能向前走，
但如何向前  我真不知。

break time-

happened to randomly turn on my old iphone while taking a break from trying to study, and it made me tear and fucking hate myself.

thanks for all the fond memories, I really hope you're happier right now-

some line from 欧得洋's old song-

幸福车站  没有王子骑着白马;
只有  真心的傻瓜
在终点为你盖个家;
风雨都吹不垮。

爱到有了白发, ____。

无眠-

无眠 - 苏打绿
词：吴青峰
曲：史俊威

今夜的月光超载太重
照着我一夜哄不成梦
每根头发都失眠

天空他究竟在思念谁
是不是都和我一样
挥不去昨日甜美的细节
才让今天又沦陷

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉
固执等着谁却惊觉已无法倒退
曾经想一起飞 在自己心中盖了座花园
把你的一切都种在这个地点
却像鱼守在里面

今夜的月光超载太重
照着我一夜哄不成梦
每根头发都失眠

天空他究竟在思念谁
是不是都和我一样
挥不去昨日甜美的细节
才让今天又沦陷

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉
固执等着谁却惊觉已无法倒退
曾经想一起飞 在自己心中盖了座花园
把你的一切都种在这个地点
却像鱼守在里面

不管要多少时间多少眼泪多少落空来等待
不管你是不是会回来
其实我也不明白 为什么如此傻傻地期盼
你是我仅有的爱

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉
固执等着谁却惊觉已无法倒退
曾经想一起飞 在自己心中盖了座花园
把你的一切都种在这个地点
像条鱼守在里面
守着幻影葬在里面

瞬间的感触-

人生有好多事
何时发生, 为何发生
我们都不了解。
也许也永远不会了解。

唯须相信一切的发生
都是为了更好的未来。
一些人事物虽已不再,
但没了这些我的生活反倒不错。

唯独你,
我仍然牵挂。
即使是以普通的身份。

盼你珍重, 开心。
期望来日还有与你
开心暢谈的机会。

seriously-

当我还会关心你的时候, 不要那么guailan, 因为总有一天这会变的。 我关心你, 因为我还在乎你。不要以你机车的态度回应我仅有的关心。 perhaps one day I wouldn't even give a flying fuck anymore.

on the year that passed-

last hour of 2011, decided to look back and think about stuff that happened this year-

-worked in bcc for a few months at the start of the year, where i met nice friends/colleagues.
-went for a few short trips out of singapore (sabah, penang-kl-malacca, taiwan), enjoyed myself while i could before school started. taiwan was great, i swear i will return sometime soon. but most memorable probably backpacking/roaming around with xinhui and ivan in malaysia, miss you guys lots.
-convinced myself to go for one orientation camp and met nice coursemates for whom i am really thankful for. thanks for making life in MSE more vibrant. (:

and...

most importantly:
for having encountered amazing person/events that made me feel truly blessed and thankful for. though sometimes i really feel undeserving, but thank you so so much for everything.(:
zu dir: Vielen Dank für Alles. 9-12-4. Immer.




finally, thank you Father for your faithfulness the past year. small hiccups here and there throughout the year but You have brought me through. will strive to walk closer to You in the coming year. grant me strength and faith Lord (:

这就是我-

我就是个如此小气的人.
有些事, 或许我永远也不会/无法大方地接受/处理.
这, 就是我.

old ageing me-

haven't slept a wink at all last night, whole body sore. wanted to go out for a walk to take a breather but looks like my body probably can't take it.

results have been so-so (to most nus students), but pretty decent for a first semester by my own standards i guess. did better than expected for physics, but a wee bit disappointed i didn't get my A- for economics. but still, thank you Lord for your faithfulness.

semester 1 break has seriously been a rollercoaster ride for me. extreme highs, to extreme lows. perhaps a sign of ageing, but i really think i can't really cope with such extreme situations/emotions.


zu dir: don't let your faith in me die. i will prove to you one day that it's all worth it. 9-12-4.

唱到心坎里-

那些年 - 胡夏
作曲：木村充利
填词：九把刀

又回到最初的起点
记忆中你青涩的脸
我们终于来到了这一天
桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约

又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见你一定比想像美

好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后　故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合　你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱着她

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你　拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你

那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你　告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着你
紧紧抱着你

ramblings-

you seriously still had no idea what i was talking about. i mean, this is really a 'principle' kind of thing already no? if i had agreed to anything i will never ever make last minute plans that will compromise/clash with my initial plan/agreement/promise. guess it really also shows how much/little the initial plan mattered. i was really willing to spend time / looking forward to the initial plan, this last minute thing just made me blow things out of proportion, but it was only because i really 看重 the initial plan. maybe i wouldn't 看重 so much next time to avoid disappointment. ):

if you think i'm talking about you in this post, then you're mistaken. i'm not talking about you.

entropy-

on the bus home now, and somehow randomly felt like updating something here again for no reason. been feeling extremely bored, stressed, scared and worried for the past 1-2 weeks. only 15 days left and i can't really see how i'll be able to do decently for finals :/ never felt so worried over an exam before actually. guess its part of the effects of a two-year absence from school.

knee's been hurting quite a bit lately and i really hate the feeling. i don't want to keep complaining about it too but it's really been quite bad lately.

and i actually don't really know why i'm still updating this blog though. but i guess the day i really stop updating this blog will be the day that i ______. yupp.

-----
男人.海洋 - 周传雄

当我抱着你的时候
窗外风起黄叶飘落
以为是浪漫
原来只是 有心在飞走

不懂情人心里想的
爱就瞎了也迷路了
想摸索什么
摸到了你 手心的沉默

最痴情的男人像海洋
爱在风暴里逞强
苦还是风平浪静的模样
卷起了依恋那么长
挥手目送你启航
到你觉得我给不了的天堂

温柔的男人像海洋
爱在关键时隐藏
而心酸汇集都敞开胸膛
做远远看护的月光
不做阻挡你的墙
我的爱是折下自己的翅膀
送给你飞翔

共鸣-

Listen, baby
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough, baby
If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry

'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

Remember the day
I set you free
I told you
You could always count on me
From that day on I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
Some way,some how

'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
No wind, no rain
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
As fast as I can

Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

mumbling-

men are the greatest liars;
especially when it comes to moods and feelings.

i'm actually still doing this-

randomly dropping by my own blog before i sleep and realised that this place is seriously full of cobwebs and almost rotting already so i decided to do a random post to preserve this memorable blog-

half of my first semester in uni has passed, so quickly that it feels weird and somewhat scary at the same time. well fun times and some (really) nice friends make my struggle to reactivate my defunct brain less of a pain too (:

birthday was two days ago, and seriously realised how much my birthdays in the next 3+ years are going to suck real bad just like it did this year since every year on my birthday i'll probably be spending it in examination halls doing midterm tests. D;

einstein test was really ridiculous, there was no way i will ever be able to finish 40 relativity and space/stars/blackhole questions in an hour. plus a few mistakes here and there, my result for this test is seriously not worth looking forward to.

spent almost the whole recess week just to prepare for the math test a few hours ago. really wasn't what i expected at all. (already know the results but) after the paper i really was pondering whether my one week could've been better spent salvaging my physics instead. the paper was totally unlike any of the past years' i've attempted. well results wise i can't and really will not complain, but i've really got to say this paper took my by surprise. totally.

3 more days, 2 more midterms tests. shall play all i can after friday and during the weekends before its time to pick up from the lag we're all experiencing due to midterms week. perhaps they really shouldn't have lectures / continue to chiong chapters during midterms week, it's really not hard to realise most people in the lecture are actually revising for some other paper they have that day.

off to sleep for now, not sure when i'll actually be back but, goodnight world-

two years-

it's been two years;

exactly two years since grandma passed away. its been the longest two years of my life, mainly because of ns, but the memory of grandma's passing is still fresh and deeply etched in my mind. it also happened to be the third day of my alevels two years ago. retrospectively, i still thank God for taking grandma back at such a trying period for me two years ago. for one, grandma was relieved of her pain; and for another, perhaps the hectic exam period also helped to lessen the grief. either ways, i've learnt to thank you Lord for the way you made it all. and of course (in a slightly more jovial mood), thank God for not screwing up my alevels :)

i miss you grandma.

worldflight 2010-

WorldFlight 2010: for a worthy cause :)

its the time of the year again for all aviation / flight simulation enthusiasts to do their part for charity! too bad can't support worldflight this year since i'm still in camp almost everyday + my joystick is faulty :/ i'll support again next year!

anyway! only SEVEN days left to freedom :D

my ord checklist:
[x] myORD quiz
[x] transcript
[x] ord medical and dental ffi booking
[x] medical ffi
[x] dental ffi
[x] ord clearance form (less the last day portions) signed
[ ] ord lo!

ord mood-

18 days left-

ultra long weekends ftw :) i've got an ultra long weekend this week, starting from today hehe. will only return to camp on monday morning, ain't that nice :D

ANYWAY YANTIAN I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN muahahahah.

REVELATION OF THE YEAR
(i hope somebody sees this)
YANTIAN IS LEARNING BALLROOM DANCING
YANTIAN IS LEARNING BALLROOM DANCING
YANTIAN IS LEARNING BALLROOM DANCING
YANTIAN IS LEARNING BALLROOM DANCING hahahahah.
i still can't stop laughing whenever i imagine sleepyhead dancing hahahah. sorry la yt :/ dont angry okayy lol.

okayy shall stop disturbing yantian (sniggers) :P

anyway, one more step closer to ord! :D
my ord checklist:
[x] myORD quiz
[x] transcript
[x] ord medical and dental ffi booking
[x] medical ffi
[x] dental ffi
[ ] ord clearance form (less the last day portions) signed
[ ] ord lo!

这就是爱吗-

22 days left-

the benefit of driving quite alot recently: i listen to 93.3 alot nowadays, and in the process i hear alot of nicee songs (: and! having a sharp ear for songs with nice/meaningful lyrics, i can often catch the lyrics the very first time i hear the songs :D

ahah another nice song by 容祖儿 (:

这就是爱吗
容祖儿

你确定这就是爱吗
真的爱我吗
手牵着手漫步斜阳 就当作浪漫

两个人眺望远方
以为爱的晴朗
当我回头望 却已泪湿了眼眶

当夕阳变成星光 当爱情换了方向 
你一如过往 对爱太紧张 
但未来又会怎样
未知的明天总让我旁徨 
谁给我力量

我不怕你 爱不爱我
只害怕你 以为爱我
抓紧我 不算拥有
你总学不会放手

我不怕你 不懂爱我
只怕你 把习惯 当作爱
你猜不透 我要什么

喔 你猜不透 我要什么

der mannschaft-

FOOTBALL - Bundesliga
14/10/10 - 22:57

Germans want Ballack to quit national team
A narrow majority of German football fans want captain Michael Ballack to quit the national team, according to a survey.

The SID news agency asked the Dortmund Polling Institute to interview fans and found that 55.1 per cent want the Bayer Leverkusen midfielder, 33, to step aside.

This would allow Philipp Lahm to keep the armband he wore during the World Cup, and would pave the way for the new generation of young players who impressed in the injured Ballack’s absence.

However, the former Chelsea star is still viewed as one of the top German players, after he polled joint-second with Miroslav Klose in another survey among the sample of fans.

The veteran duo were viewed as Germany's top player by 11.7 per cent of respondents, behind only Klose's Bayern Munich team-mate Bastien Schweinsteiger (20.8 per cent).

Real Madrid playmaker Mesut Ozil was the biggest jumper in the rankings, more than doubling his previous level of popularity by polling fifth, with 8.4 per cent.



hahahah adel i bet you'll be damn happy after you read this (:

笨的可以-

笨的可以
郭采洁

听你开心说着 你的事情
我有一种莫名 心跳反应
夜深人静时候 突然想到你
没有原因 没有逻辑 谁能说明

总以为 我们是 地球的南北两极
直到 分开旅行 我才明白
有好多的话想说给你听

是我笨的可以 我们早就相遇
我说服我自己 这一切只是友情
是你让我相信 两颗心没有距离
我才发现 原来我爱着你

总是爱捉弄我 寻我开心
从来没有想过 会喜欢你
也许爱情就是 没什么道理
缘分来临 措手不及谁看得清

总以为 我们是 地球的南北两极
直到分开旅行 我才明白
有好多的话 想说给你听

是我笨的可以 我们早就相遇
我说服我自己 这一切只是友情
是你让我相信 两颗心没有距离
我才发现 原来我爱着你

是我笨的可以 没看穿你的心
还以为这只是 爱情无聊的恶作剧
是我笨的可以 我终于面对自己
勇敢证明 我是真的爱你 我是真的爱你

ultra long day-

24 days left-

didn't have the energy to update last night because i was basically travelling from one end of tuas naval base to the other yesterday. even on a bicycle it was damn tiring please. okayy maybe i'm just old now hahah.

going bowling today! (:


my ord checklist:
[x] myORD quiz
[x] transcript
[x] ord medical and dental ffi booking
[x] medical ffi
[ ] dental ffi
[ ] ord clearance form (less the last day portions) signed
[ ] ord lo!

freedom-

25 days and counting-

uhh as you can see the last ord update i posted was 5 months ago hahah. but anyway! freedom is coming real soooooooon, but this last one month feels like the longest month in my life, ever.

got to start planning for post-ord life already too, i've got 8 to 9 months before school starts, and if i really do relief teaching it'll only start in january :/ i really need a job before that (and just in case there's no vacancies for relief teachers)... recommendations anyone?

anyway for the next 25 days (at least) i will make it a point to update this blog everyday, even if it's just to countdown the days till ord (:


p.s. adel i bet you wouldn't even notice i updated my blog hahah.


my ord checklist:
[x] myORD quiz
[x] transcript
[x] ord medical and dental ffi booking
[ ] medical ffi
[ ] dental ffi
[ ] ord clearance form (less the last day portions) signed
[ ] ord lo!

my fifa10 online stats-

found this website to make a gamercard for my fifa10 online gameplay statistics on playstation network-


stay tuned, the gamercard should update as i play more multiplayer games :)

countdown: 6 months-

6 months left till i ord-

anw, shit i just realised my last post was in january 18 hahah thats almost 4 months ago. but nvm since i have time today i shall update a little.

school-
reapplied for uni this year and this is what i got:

(from nus)
You have been offered Materials Sci & Eng in academic year 2011 - 2012.
The details of the offer will be stated in the offer letter.
Your letter of offer was sent on 23-Apr-2010.
For acceptance of the NUS course that has been offered to you, please refer to the instructions enclosed in your offer package.

got the exact same offer from nus as well (yes i want to know why both years both schools offer me the same courses, mech eng last year and mse this year).
after not-so-much consideration i've decided to accept nus' offer and do mse at nus instead of ntu.

still thinking whether i will attempt to apply for ntu aerospace engin again next year, got abit sian of applying and hoping and applying and hoping already. i'll leave that till next year to decide i guess.

decisions decisions-

as march is drawing near, uni application period is about to start again. and yes i keep having the same thoughts recently - am i really going to study mechanical engineering?

as much as i want to study aerospace engineering (and yes i will try applying again), i doubt i'll get in and will probably fall back to the second choice. but after one year i am actually starting to question my decision of accepting the mech. engineering offer last year. im praying for a direction, Lord.

anw chinese new year is drawing near and since my family didn't celebrate chinese new year last year (because of grandma's passing) i finally went to buy new shoes to replace my puma shoes with almost-flat soles. guess what, i'm sticking to puma still hahah.

alright, shall update again another time, off to watch House M.D. now, i've been watching alot of House recently.

thanksgiving before christmas-

because i had some impacted wisdom tooth extracted so i have more time at home thus i felt i should reflect on the year that passed-

in this extremely boring and mundane year that passed, i thank God for the following:

• for letting me realise how important simple stuff like family is to me. well, in being home everyday we often take our families and homes for granted, and often end up treating it like a mere hostel, where you go back and sleep and just leave the next day. but thank you Lord for making me realise and appreciate this simple yet easily forgotten blessing.
• for being with me every minute along the way throughout this past year. my prayers you have heard Lord, and thank you for that.
• while it hasn't been a big or eventful year i still thank God for the small stuff in this past year like passing my driving test, getting a place in an engineering course and all, many of which i probably couldn't have done without your grace.
• while some prayers may seem like they've not been heard sometimes, thank you Lord for making me come to the realisation that sometimes it is not just a simple 'yes' or 'no', but a trial to wait, and accept that if it is Your will, i will heed.

its been ultra long since my last decent post but i suddenly had the urge to update today. and just in case i do not update in time later, merry christmas to everyone :)

drive drive drive-

i finally passed my driving test :)

this has got to be the shortest entry since i started this blog hahah.

bowl bowl bowl-

had off today so decided to bowl in the afternoon at csc.supposed to bowl with weimin but he got recalled to camp last minute so he did not come and so i bowled alone-

anyway! i was quite happy with today's bowling :D 7 games total pinfall 1176, thats an average of 168.

ok fine the average isn't that fantastic but i was happy enough because i bowled two high games (high by my standards thanks) today :D
first high game scored 204, which i actually cleared a split to maintain a perfect closed game =)
second high game was 214 woohoo, also closed all frames but i had a turkey in my last frame so scored better than the previous 204 =)

OH YES (sad to say) 214 happens to be my all time PB too hahah am i noob or what =/ but nonetheless i'm still damn happy over my bowling scores today :D

music from the heart-

haven't been updating for quite some time! will update in the next few days, but i thought i would post the lyrics of this song just before i sleep. well written lyrics-

全世界的人都知道 by 王俞勻
[恶作剧之吻] 插曲

在见到你关键的第一秒
爱的情愫开始发酵
小心翼翼写给你的纸条
幸福划上星星记号

你像一座孤傲的岛
有自己的城堡
我是上不了岸的潮
也只能将你围绕

全世界的人都知道
一厢情愿是种烦恼
只要换你一次微笑
就算是做梦也会笑

全世界的人不知道
我不在乎付出多少
我想这就是幸福写照
任何人不能阻止我对你的好

sigh-

was too tired to update yesterday so i didn't-

anyway i went to BBDC to finish up the stupid final theory test that i obviously should've done last december to not waste time. anyway it was fine, and i passed, hahaa and i broke my record time of attempting 50 questions :) i did it in 7 mins this time heh. the auntie beside me obviously looked quite nervous (relax lahh) and looked like she's never seen an 11B in her life before, staring at my 11B that i placed on the desk =/

and so i'm meeting my instructor next wednesday to book my practical test. hopefully i can get a date thats not too far away please.. my initial plans of passing before my birthday seems impossible now that the earliest slot available (as of today) is on the 24th of september. by next wednesday i doubt i can get any slot before the 26th =(

and so its ndp rehearsal (eurgh) once again tomorrow and it will be the last time i'm seeing jake, he's been posted out to ADF since he's signed on as ADF. gonna miss his presence i guess, even though i've only known him after i got posted to the navy.

youth sunday this week, got to collect offerings so have to wear long sleeve and put on a tie. it's been like 9 months since i wore such stuff. never mind, i'll go find a tie for sunday after i come home from rehearsal tomorrow.

nothing else interesting in my mundane life at the moment. period.

P.S. yes i already expected that big TSKK from you miss-science-teacher! hahaa.

幸福遇见-

ON A HOPELESS PIG'S REQUEST, I'M UPDATING MY BLOG-

i received my pre-ordered 林依晨 album yesterday!
album comes with 2 folders (one with a cartoon of 林依晨 and one with her picture of course). the album also came signed in gold ink =D was admiring it before i went duty yesterday but didn't dare to unwrap the plastic covering the album as i was initially afraid that the signature was signed on the plastic.
i spent the whole night duty yesterday listening to 林依晨's new songs =) the tunes just keep running through my head hehe.

aight i shan't continue my blabber about how good 林依晨's new album is or i can imagine someone (who keeps complaining about my blog being dusty) giving me a very big TSKKK and a pig telling me i'm obsessed.


also went bowling with weimin in the afternoon, went to hometeamns a.k.a CDANS initially but the back end of the lanes were so dirty it wasn't nice to bowl so we switched to CSC after two games. oh well, the advantages of having a car to ferry you around hahaa.

final theory test is tomorrow at BBDC. which actually is quite dumb cos i SHOULD have taken my final theory test last december so i wouldn't have to waste time waiting in order to book practical test. miscalculations and lousy planning, thats me.

my internet is also finally up, no longer using starhub now but using singnet, still quite satisfied with it at the moment. and OHKAYY i will update my blog more regularly. (i didn't update my blog only because my internet was down for more than a week aight.)

of closed doors and reality-

secured early from camp today so i went back to school to collect the school graduating certificate in the evening. it came in a very nice brown folder with the words on the cover embossed in gold.

on the way home i read through everything with mixed feelings. reading the testimonial made me appreciate again (since i've already read the testimonial before.) how nice miss bobillier is, making a playful kid like me sound like some conscientious student. obviously i didn't deserve that.

opened the letter box to find NTU's letter-

"We regret to inform you that due to keen competition your appeal (for change of programme to Aerospace Engineering) has not been successful... The place in the Mechanical Engineering programme has been reserved for you for academic year 2011/12."

receiving such notifications are, of course, disappointing. but who else can i blame but myself for not having performed better? whatever happened during a'levels period cannot, and will not be an excuse for such mediocre results. but what's over is over, i will stop lamenting and start thinking about and planning for the future.

when everything you planned doesn't work out at all, could it be Him telling you where he actually wants you to go? perhaps submission is just something my rebellious nature needs to learn-

the random life of an nsf-

HELLO WORLD-

YESSS i am back to update this very very dead blog after being coerced on my cbox and msn to update this dead blog (hehe just joking). ohkayy after some thinking i thought i ought to update it too since this is probably the only place i can post updates about myself to keep in contact with people i have less contact with now =/

p.s. look adel and yantian i have updated my blog (fine i will update it frequently since i'm free)

i have nothing of importance to update today but since yantian thinks i should update about anything at all, here it is-

firstly, 幸福遇见!

林依晨's debut album is out for preorder! its going to be released on 10 July 2009! i've pre-ordered my copy online woohoo it's gonna be shipped to singapore as soon as its released.
MY PREORDER COPY IS SIGNED =D
p.s. 林依晨's my psp wallpaper as well :) and yes i have her 甜蜜花园 MV on my psp too :D

secondly,
i wanted to upload my POP photos from ages ago but i realised i really cannot find where i put them =/ so sorry people you can only see photos of the bald PTE Chan when i find the photos hehe.
oh yes, to people who don't know, i've since been dyed blue after POP (i.e. i've been posted to the navy) and my unit now is Tuas Defence Squadron / Sea Surveillance. (if it isn't obvious enough, i'm based in Tuas Naval Base now)
oh yes, i'm a stay-out personnel :)

thirdly,
i've continued my driving lessons after stopping for close to 2 months (thanks to being in Changi Naval Base for like 6 days a week and booking out only for a day during the initial phase).
thank goodness my driving hasn't really rusted, i still feel quite comfortable at the wheel =) oh hahaa there was this short girl who had the slot before my driving lesson and she's quite odd because her seat is way further back than i would usually sit (albeit her legs being obviously shorter than mine) and i had to adjust like everything (seats, mirrors) when i got on, i couldn't see a single thing with her mirror positions hahaa.
taxi drivers and traffic light cameras are the hate. taxi drivers just refuse to give way so you have to force your way into the yellow box to make them stop. traffic light cameras are the ultimate since i always seem to get on the end of perfect amber-light-timings so i always have the fear of getting snapped.

enough of my random rubbish talk, i'll update again soon =)

off to be bald-

decided to drop one last post before i go off to be bald and be detached from my computer for 2 weeks-

reporting at 2pm later, not really sure what will happen and what life is like in there. quite worried, no matter how relaxed i look. now i can't wait for chinese new year to come, at least there'll be a long weekend for a breather hahaa.

i bought my liverpool cap =) it's damn nice i swear hahaa. anyway people, uhh take care hahaa i'll see you all in 2 weeks' time!

goodbye world-

thanksgiving 2008-

as 2008 came to an end i reflected upon the past year and had quite a few thoughts. this thanksgiving post is 2 days late, but better late than never-

as i thought about the year that passed, i thank God for the following-
1) the chance to take part in a'divisions even though i'm seriously not good enough. this chance really meant the world to me.
2) giving me really great tutors at school who never gave up on me, no matter how bad my grades were, giving me consultations tirelessly in the stretch leading up to a'levels.
3) the best classmates and bowling teammates i can ever have. we had fun, we worked hard, they form the 2 years of my memory of life at hwachong which i will never forget.

there are many many more in between that i can't really express well in words, but the final few things i thank God for are one of the most important-
4) for the chance to have lived with, and taken care of, my grandma in her final few months with us - the chance to cook for her, the chance to watch tv with her, etc. - thank you Lord for leaving me with no regrets.
5) this is a little unique, but after grandma left us, i found that she still kept the momento i bought for her from Penang eight years ago (well that dates back to year 2000, when i was ten). the thought that my grandma treasured the things her grandchildren gave her so much that even eight years later it was still in very good condition really warms my heart. thank you Lord for this consolation following the departure of grandma.

to lose a loved one is never easy, especially when you're stuck right in the middle of two weeks of examinations that would change your life. but thinking of it i still thank God for having relieved grandma's pain, as well as for putting me through the test for me to grow.

as i face the year ahead, hopefully i will be able to be steadfast as i go through national service and whatever comes my way in the coming year-

senior promenade 2008-

prom was friday at ritz-carlton. food wasn't exactly the best, programme i don't know because i wasn't paying attention, but the camwhoring and the time spent with friends made it all worthwhile-

surprises of the day-
1) xinhui spiked his hair.
2) xinhui doesn't wear green specs anymore.
3) jinhuey wore a rather pretty dress (no jinhuey you're really not fat please hahaa)
4) jinhuey did not trip and fall while wearing high heels.
5) SOMEONE actually gave mishh a bouquet of flowers hahahaa

surprises aside, i must really admit some people seriously look way prettier/better at prom, seriously-

post prom-
after much camwhoring after prom event ended, the group of us went to Harry's @ The Esplanade for a drink before going to peckk's house for stayover. the drinks were not bad and their names were explicitly funny.
at peckk's-
played silent heart attack which i was totally hopeless at and so i drank about a bottle of beer which somehow had no effect on me even though i have low alcohol tolerance (small one lahh) in total as forfeit.
played truth or dare which got really amusing/funny/interesting with all the stupid questions and dares we came out with.
played & talked until around 7 plus cos yuanxin just couldn't stop laughing hahaa. everyone went home after eating at subway, but honestly the stayover was seriously fun =) i'm looking forward to class chalet hahaa we shall have more rubbishy sessions like these late into the night =D

senior promenade photos here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=188471&id=541450226&ref=mf
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=188475&id=541450226&ref=mf

i haven't forgotten this blog-

i'm back i'm back!

i haven't forgotten this blog, i swear. just that so many things have been happening recently i haven't really got time to update. but here i am, back to update this dear blog of mine :)

a'levels-
and so a'levels were finally over on 18 November 2008. rest and play for us, finally. a'levels were generally fine except i felt that i didn't do particularly well for physics and economics.
grandma left us on the morning of 5 November 2008, 5.32am. the day before chemistry paper 3. wasn't an easy period of time for me, especially with grandma's death happening during a'levels period. spent much of my first week at the funeral then, not much studying done :(

after a'levels-
with examinations out of the way peckhwang, ivan and myself went to enroll ourselves for driving lessons, and three of us took the theory lessons + practice sessions + evaluation + going to take the test together. classmates for the win =) although we do have to constantly remind peckhwang there's lesson the next day lest she oversleeps and misses the session again (like on the first session of Basic Theory 1.01)

peckhwang, ivan, zhikai, yongqiang, zhihong and myself went to Jurong East Swimming Complex for class (group) outing too! was really really fun, much quality time spent =) although i did experience a phase of skin shedding after that due to sunburns hahaa. oh yeahh, sakae buffet was good too =D

Senior Promenade 2008 updates in the next post, keep a lookout-