what if-

 

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life,
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy.
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?

there will always be-

masking it all with a façade of indifference all this while is ultimately painful, but I'm only doing so with the hope that it will make life easier for you.

... in my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life.

simple thoughts-

"i hope to find a kind life partner ^^" (Auntie, 2014).

This simple line actually triggered a lot of thoughts within me - what i hope/want/pray for, etc. Then it struck me that sometimes, it can be as simple as "kind", like how auntie bai puts it.

I guess for me it would probably be... "i hope to find a 爱家的 life partner". Hahah.

just randomly-

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈?

things I wanted to say but couldn't-

Bumping into you at the graduate studies talk today made me realise why everything happened the way it did two years ago.

Never knew you were keen to further your studies/interested in research but I'm glad you're considering (for yourself, that is). Never let that attractive determined nature of yours disappear please.

I'm sorry I didn't know how to react when I saw you. I honestly wanted to smile and nod, but I just couldn't. Give me time, one day I will be able to smile and nod at you like a stranger.

That aside, only 20 weeks left to go. 加油 for whatever you are doing and good luck if you're applying.

this too shall pass-

as I was on my way to school for biomaterials test today I saw/read this, which was one of my favourite verses, and it sparked a moment of reflection during my 20-minute bus ride:

因为他的怒气不过是转眼之间; 他的恩典乃是一生之久。

一宿虽然有哭泣, 早晨便必欢呼。

(诗30:5) 

the past four weeks haven't exactly been easy.
not because work has been hectic - in fact this is my slackest semester in four years,
but because of my personal struggles - with myself, with my thoughts, with God, etc.

I am thankful for the people you have placed around me recently Lord, be it close friends or brothers/sisters in Christ in my course, and for consistently reminding me of Your love and faithfulness when I am down, even though I tend to turn a blind eye to these small reminders.

想你就写信-

虽然我们已不在一起,
但每次看到你,
心里还是有非常多的感叹。
希望你快乐。
我真的很想你。
-Ping, 28 August 2014

真的好难-

妳说妳还是喜欢孤单
其实妳怕被我看穿
妳怕属于我们的船
漂漂荡荡靠不了岸

事到如今没有答案
我的真心为妳牵绊
不管相见的夜多么难堪
简简单单的说   爱是不爱

想要把妳忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼   永远没有答案
为何当初   妳选择一刀两断

听妳说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天秤的两端   一样的为难
唯一的答案   爱一个人好难

shut up-

Can people stop playing the damn song on radio? It's not that nice so stop playing it damnit.

好想你-

开了灯   眼前的模样
偌大的房   寂寞的床
关了灯   全都一个样
心里的伤   无法分享

生命
随年月流去   随白发老去
随着你离去   快乐渺无音讯
随往事淡去   随梦境睡去
随麻痺的心逐渐远去

我好想你   好想你   却不露痕迹
我还踮着脚思念   我还任记忆盘旋
我还闭着眼流泪   我还装作无所谓

我好想你   好想你   却欺骗自己
我好想你   好想你   就当作秘密
我好想你   好想你   就深藏在心

painful irony-

the painful irony and myriad of mixed feelings as I drive past a walking you in the carpark and I have to act like I didn't see/notice you, while you acted like you didn't recognise the car.

no mood to go back to lab after lesson, came home to rot instead.

nothing is fair in life-

我不服气。
我真的，真的不服气。

习惯-

景物依旧  人事已非
近一年了  也是时候学习习惯一个人的感觉
I will get used to this, and shift my focus back onto things that matter.
Back to lab I go.

unfazed-

I think it's a matter of principle.
I've gotten much better with handling myself in situations like these anyway.

side effects of OH-

even watching commonwealth RG is painful.

you win-

除了心寒, 只有失望。
只怪自己当初的倔强。

二十字述心声-

heard this phrase yesterday. twenty simple words, but a whole lot of 含意:
"遇一人白首,  择一城终老,  予一己真心,  盼一生偕老。"

such a simple, yet somewhat difficult, dream/ideal. think about it.

food for thought-

"Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go."

again and again-

out driving alone late at night because you're feeling down and tired of wearing a mask.
 

每当你以为开心的时候-

it is at times like these that life gives you a kick in the teeth. thanks.